Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep...

There are times that I contemplate about my own death. I know that may sound morbid or sick, but I think that we all think about that at one time or another. I don't dwell on it all the time but it does cross my mind. I don't know why, perhaps it could be because of all the deaths and murders I see on the news. I wonder what would happened if the local news didn't report the recent murders and deaths, would we get more sports coverage?

I wonder how I will die. I know it's going to happen, unless the rapture takes place before then. There is a chance though that I will die and I wonder how and what state of mind will I be in. I hope it is not some long lingering disease in which which it drains the life out of my family, friends and myself. I don't want that. I hope it is just quick and somewhat painless. I hope that I am happy when I die, and not sad and lonely.

In less than twelve hours I will be attending a funeral for a friend that I went to high school and junior college with. Unfortunately we have lost contact over the past twenty two years or so and I feel sad about that. I went through a lot with him during our high school and junior college years. I talked to a mutual friend last night that caught me up on his life. David was an honors student and had a bright future, I'm not sure his life was ended up like he had planned, but it's that way with quite a few of us. It sounds like he might of died lonely in his heart, even though he died of a sudden heart attack while mowing his lawn. I wish I would of kept in contact with him. I really don't know how I will be when I see him laying in the casket. It will be difficult, even though I know he was a fellow believer in Christ. I wonder if he died of loneliness. I wish I could of been a friend to him his last years. It makes me sad. I don't want to die of loneliness.

I can only imagine how Christ must of felt His last hours here on earth as a man. He knew what was ahead of him and it must of been painful and lonely. The tension He must of felt when he was praying in the Garden of Gethseneme, the agony, pain and loneliness so painful He sweated blood while He was praying to His Father. I can not even imagine the hurt in the heart of Jesus during those lingering hours when He was arrested for no reason other than claiming that which He was. The sadness of His heart must of been intense when His closest friends turned their backs on him. While He was being led to His death He had to of had an excruciating pain in His heart. I can just hear the loudness of His voice in my ears while they drive the nails in His hands and feet to the cross. I look up and see His tears stream down from His face that is covered with sweat and blood, the blood as a result of the crown of thorns placed on his brow. My eyes gaze upon Him and see how He is lonely because He is separated from His Father because of my sins. His death resulted in giving me life. He died in order that I will not be lonely. His resurrected body brings me victory over death. I believe will all of my soul that He is the Savior of the world. He is the Messiah, the Son of God.

I have been to my fair share of funerals. I worked at one of the largest funeral homes in the nation for a couple of recent years and attended funerals of those that I did not know. One funeral I was in charge of was this older woman who had no family or friends, the funeral home that had taken care of her body was just going to come and bury her with no service. I went to the graveside to give my respects to this women before the workers lowered her casket into the earth. I did not know her, but I knew that her life had a story to tell and yet there was no one there to tell it, she died alone and lonely. No family or friends there to say a word, just me as I stood there while they were lowering the casket wondering how I would die.

It really does not matter how or when it will happen. I know it will. I picture myself as an old bachelor in a small house in the mountains laying in my bed, looking out the window mezmerized by the beauty of the blanket of dark blue skies with the sparkling lights of the star that are making their appearances. As I lay there looking, I am happy inside because I know that my two sons are happy with their families. I am content knowing that I lived a rich and full life, blessed because my life was enriched with all the treasures of friendships I had over my years. Peaceful because I have the peace in my heart that when my old body is through, my life will continue in heaven because I believed and accepted my Christ as my Lord and Savior. I envision myself falling asleep on that night just to awaken to my eternal home in Heaven. I know that then I will never be lonely. I will be more alive than I ever been, because of the pain and lonliness that Jesus went through for me. For now though, I must live for Him.

Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take.